Study: Romantic love affects brain like drug addiction

Study: Romantic love affects brain like drug addiction

It's a dance between logic and impulse, lead and follow

01:13 PM CDT on Tuesday, September 4, 2007

By SUSAN BRINK / Los Angeles Times

[Click image for a larger version] CARLOS CHAVEZ/Los Angeles Times
CARLOS CHAVEZ/Los Angeles Times
'Chemistry is more than just being hot or handsome,' says Gian Gonzaga, a senior research scientist at eHarmony Labs.

Her front brain is telling her he's trouble. Look at the facts, it says. He's never made a commitment, he can't keep a job.

But her middle brain won't listen. Man, it swoons, he looks great in those jeans, his black hair curls onto his forehead so adorably. His front brain is lecturing, too: She's flirting with every guy, and she can drink you under the table, it says. His mid-brain is unresponsive, distracted by her come-hither stare.

"What could you be thinking?" their front brains demand.

Their middle brains, each on a quest for reward, pay no heed.
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Alas, when it comes to choosing mates, smart neurons can make dumb choices.

And so begins the dance of attraction, infatuation and, ultimately, love.

Mystery for the ages

It's a dance that holds many mysteries.

It was only in 2000 that two London scientists selected 70 people, all in the early sizzle of love, and rolled them into the giant cylinder of a functional magnetic resonance imaging scanner, or FMRI.

The pictures were a revelation, and others have followed, showing that romantic love is a lot like addiction to alcohol or drugs. Yet the chemistry between two people isn't just a matter of molecules. Attraction also involves personal history. "Our parents have an effect on us," says Helen Fisher, evolutionary anthropologist at Rutgers University. "So does the school system, television, timing, mystery."

The dance that leads to a stable commitment moves through several steps.

First comes initial attraction. Next comes the wild infatuation of romance. The brain uses its chemical arsenal to focus our attention on one person.

"Everyone knows what that feels like. This is one of the great mysteries. It's the Love Potion No. 9, the click factor, interpersonal chemistry," says Gian Gonzaga, senior research scientist at eHarmony Labs.

After that, says relationship researcher Arthur Aron, psychologist at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, something more stable takes over: the steady pair-bonding of what's called companionate love.

That initial spark can flash and fade. Or it can become a flame and then a fire, a rush of exhilaration and sense of union that scientists know as passionate love.

Key to this state of seeing a person as a soul mate instead of a one-night stand is the limbic system, nestled deep within the brain between the neocortex (the region responsible for reason and intellect) and the reptilian brain (responsible for primitive instincts). Altered levels of dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin – neurotransmitters also associated with arousal – wield influence.

But passionate love is also "a drive to win life's greatest prize, the right mating partner," Dr. Fisher says. It is, she says, an addiction.

People in the early throes of passionate love, she says, can think of little else. They describe sleeplessness, loss of appetite and feelings of euphoria, and they're willing to take exceptional risks. Brain areas governing reward, obsession, recklessness and habit all play their part in the trickery.

In an experiment published in the 2006 book Evolutionary Cognitive Neuroscience, Dr. Fisher found 17 people who were in relationships for an average of seven months. All said they'd feel deep despair if their lover left, and they yearned to know all there was to know about the loved one.

She put them in an FMRI to see what areas of their brains got active when they saw a photograph of their beloved ones.

"We saw activity in the ventral tegmental area and other regions of the brain's reward system associated with motivation, elation and focused attention," she said. It's the same part of the brain that presumably is active when gamblers think they're going to win.

"At that point, you really wouldn't notice if he had three heads," Dr. Fisher says. "Or you'd notice, but you'd choose to overlook it."

More research

Lucy Brown, professor of neuroscience at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, has also taken FMRI images of people in the early days of a new love. In a study reported in the July 2005 Journal of Neurophysiology, she too found key activity in the ventral tegmental area. "That's the area that's also active when a cocaine addict gets an IV injection of cocaine," Dr. Brown says. "It's not a craving. It's a high."

Biologically, the cravings and pleasures unleashed are as strong as any drug. Certain brain regions, scientists have found, are being deactivated, such as within the amygdala, associated with fear. Excited brain messages reach the caudate nucleus, a dopamine-rich area where unconscious habits and skills, such as the ability to ride a bike, are stored.

The attraction signal turns the love object into a habit, and then an obsession. According to a 1999 study in the journal Psychological Medicine, people newly in love have serotonin levels 40 percent lower than normal people do – just like people with obsessive-compulsive disorders.
HAPPILY EVER AFTER

Beyond the chemistry of passion and romance lies the hope of happily ever after.

Researchers call this state companionate love, the kind of love people feel after years of arguments, joy, tragedies and successes mutually felt. To arrive there, couples have to get on the road to success pretty quickly. About a third of divorces occur after just four years of marriage, according to Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, psychologist at the Ohio State University College of Medicine.

Here are success tips from relationship experts, based on surveys of couples in lasting relationships.

•They kid themselves a bit. For example, they typically underestimate their partners' interest in others. "If you show people pictures of attractive men and women and ask how their partner will look at this person, they underestimate the person's attractiveness to their partner," says Gian Gonzaga, senior research scientist at eHarmony Labs. "It turns out that's actually good, because we're not constantly worrying and obsessing."

•They don't update images of each other. "People stick with their initial view," says Mr. Gonzaga. "As people get older, they get less attractive, but we don't update."

•They have a matching story profile, and they stick to it. Robert Sternberg, dean of the school of arts and science at Tufts University, describes the "fairy tale story" with a prince and a princess; the "travel story," which says that life is a journey; the "war story," where both expect constant fights. "What our research shows is that couples tend to be more satisfied if they have matching story profiles," Dr. Sternberg says.

Source:
Study: Romantic love affects brain like drug addiction | Dallas Morning News |

World's Tallest Man Marries In Mongolia

By Kitty Bu in Erdos, China

July 12, 2007 07:17pm

THE world's tallest man married a woman two-thirds his size and almost half his age today in a traditional Mongolian ceremony sponsored by at least 15 companies hoping to cash in on his fame.

Bao Xishun, 56, a 2.36m herdsman from China's vast Inner Mongolia region, was carried to his wedding on the back of a mobile yurt pulled by camels at the Genghis Khan holiday resort on the grasslands near Erdos city.

Hundreds of people, some travelling for hours, turned up to see Mr Bao wed saleswoman Xia Shujuan, a mere 1.68m tall and just 29 years old.

Draped in a shimmering blue silk coat, Mr Bao waved to the crowd before going into an enormous yurt where guests ate lamb and cheese and watched Mongolian song and dance shows.

"If we can have children, we'll have children," Mr Bao said before the wedding. "If not, then not. If we have a child, I hope he or she can be 1.8-1.9m tall. Then he or she can play basketball."

Ms Xia said she was madly in love.

"You need to have feelings for someone to be in love. Even if he is a big shot, you can't love him without feelings," Ms Xia said.

Mr Bao was confirmed as the world's tallest living man by Guinness World Records last year.

He overtook the previous holder, Radhouane Charbib of Tunisia, by just 2 mm.

The Guinness World Records says Mr Bao was of normal height until 16 but then put on a spurt that doctors were unable to explain, reaching his full height in seven years.

He put out marriage advertisements around the world, but ended up wedding somebody from his home town, Chifeng.

Mr Bao and his wife were legally married in March, but wanted to also have an authentic Mongolian ceremony.

After a career in the army, where he was recruited for a basketball team, he returned to Inner Mongolia. He now herds livestock and hires himself out for publicity stunts.

In December, Bao saved the lives of two dolphins by reaching deep into their stomachs with his 1.06-metre long arm to pull out pieces of plastic, according to Chinese media.

Because of his fame, Inner Mongolia decided to turn the wedding into a branding event.

"He has a very good image among us in Inner Mongolia," said Bao's agent, Xin Xing. "We plan to use his name as a brand to develop tourism. We want to better help and serve our hometown."

Everything from the liquor drunk at the wedding to the shoes Bao wore were sponsored by a different company.

Source: Adelaide Advertiser

Romance in the redwoods: Big Basin offers risque tour

February 25, 2007

Romance in the redwoods: Big Basin offers risque tour
By ROGER SIDEMAN
SENTINEL STAFF WRITER

Volunteer naturalist Arlene Herring has been visiting the forest at Big Basin State Park since she was a kid. But the tour she gave recently was not the G-rated fare of her childhood.

Springtime is just around the bend in the forest and the lengthening days exert their force, ending hibernation, inciting growth — and exciting lust.

"Who wants the kinky stuff? If you don't, you better close your ears," Herring said before launching into a lesson about banana slug sex.

Among the things Herring shared on her "Romance in the Redwoods" guided walk: male and female banana slugs both have a well-endowed "sperm plug" and sometimes lunge at each other and bite like snakes; female newts choose their mates as they're surrounded by mosh pits of competing males called "newt balls;" some acorn woodpeckers don't breed, choosing instead to assist others in courtship rituals.

When Herring asked if anyone in the group knows what a hermaphrodite is, Peter Ely Jr. chuckled.

"It means they can get into some pretty wicked marital disputes," he said.

People naturally have a fascination with animals and are curious about their sexual behavior, Herring said. That's because while humans turn anxiously to books, magazines or therapists for sex tips, animals are guided only by instinct.

Although statistics about woodpecker love may not prove useful for humans in the dating scene, the tour exposed certain parallels between animal and human courtship: male crickets offering protein-rich food to females [pre-nuptial gifts], bird calls echoing through the forest [wooing with song], bees encircling females in ritual movements [dance], and birds like peacocks and barn swallows showing their fancy plumage [boasting color and ornamentation].

The rituals are not too unlike those at a traditional Indian wedding, remarked Ashwin and Arundhati Naik, visiting from Bangalore, India.

The sex tour was mostly all talk and no action. Without any animal specimens in sight, Herring employed the redwoods to put a new spin on old-fashioned storytelling.

"The Maddock family, the earliest homesteaders in these redwoods, probably found that in the winter, they had a lot of time on their hands and needed to keep busy. They had eight kids!" she said.

Tracing the origins of Valentine's Day back to ancient Rome, Herring described an ancient fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the god of agriculture.

"Look around you," she told the group. "At 2,200 years old, some of the trees you see today at Big Basin were sprouting up when those Romans were giving their version of cards and candy hearts to each other"

Despite some of the blunt talk on the tour, many in the weekend crowd were coy about their reasons for attending.

"We just wanted to see the redwoods. This is our first time, and this tour happened to be starting when we arrived," said Ashwin Naik.

Another participant, a local resident too embarrassed to give her name, said her interest was all about simple biology and the enjoyment of learning about the environment in all its forms.

Lover's letter arrives - 92 years after it was mailed.

Lover's letter arrives after death

From correspondents in London

February 18, 2007 12:00am
Article from: The Sunday Telegraph

A POSTCARD sent from the trenches during World War I by a soldier to his sweetheart at home finally arrived last week - 92 years after he sent it.

Private Walter Butler wrote to Amy Hicks in 1915, telling her he was alive and well – but the army-issue postcard never made it to her home in Wiltshire.

Mr Butler survived the war, and the couple went on to marry and have children.

The postcard turned up in a postal sorting office, which sent it along last week to the post office near Ms Hicks' address, from where it was delivered to the late couple's daughter – 86-year-old grandmother Joyce Hulbert.

Source: Lover's letter arrives after death | NEWS.com.au

AdelaideNow... Vasectomy linked to Dementia

Vasectomy linked to Dementia

February 15, 2007 10:38am
Article from: Reuters

MEN who have had a vasectomy may face an increased risk of developing a rare type of dementia marked by a steady loss of language skills, researchers say.
Researchers at Northwestern University in Illinois, writing in the journal Cognitive and Behavioural Neurology, link the sterilisation surgery to a neurological condition called primary progressive aphasia, or PPA.

Preliminary data also linked vasectomies to another form of dementia involving behavioural changes.

Sandra Weintraub, who led the study, says her findings should not stop men from getting vasectomies.

Source: Adelaide Advertiser AdelaideNow... Vasectomy linked to Dementia

Photo in the News: Skeleton "Valentines" Won't Be Parted

February 13, 2007—In what's been called a Valentine's Day gift to Italy, archaeologists today excavated two interlocked Stone Age skeletons—leaving their "eternal embrace" intact and making it easier to analyze the double burial.

Discovered last week during construction not far from Verona, the setting of Romeo and Juliet, the roughly 5,000-year-old couple has already become an icon of enduring love to many.

Like Shakespeare's star-crossed lovers, the prehistoric twosome appear to be young, as evidenced by the condition of their teeth. But that's about all that is known about them so far. They could just as easily be two brothers.

But dig supervisor Elena Menotti takes the romantic view.

"It was a very emotional discovery," the archaeologist told the Associated Press last week. "From thousands of years ago we feel the strength of this love. Yes, we must call it love."

—Ted Chamberlain

Source: Photo in the News: Skeleton "Valentines" Won't Be Parted

Decorate your home with love

Decorate your home with love

By Missy Baxter
Special to The Courier-Journal

We've all heard the adage: "It takes two to tango." But finding a compatible dance partner isn't the only key to keeping romance alive.

Creating a sensual setting is also vital in making hearts race. Whether it's fluffy pillows and floral prints in a French-style boudoir or artistic sculptures and unique candlesticks in a lavishly hip living room, the décor you select can have a major impact on your mood.

"Our surroundings have an immense impact on how we view ourselves and how we live our lives," said New Albany, Ind., interior decorator Grace Rieger, owner of Signature Interiors by GZ.

"There are a lot of inexpensive ways to create a romantic atmosphere. You can do simple things like using small lamps or candles, instead of overhead lighting, to create the right ambience."

Requests for rooms with a romantic feeling have increased in recent years among clients in the Louisville area, Rieger said.

"For people with hectic lives, their home has become their vacation destination," she said. "Part of that feeling is to create areas with a dreamy feeling, a place to escape from it all.

You don't have to redecorate the entire room to make it romantic, Rieger notes. "You can just add a few colorful accessories, such as pillows, candles or flowers that match your color scheme."
Turn up heat with color

When it comes to romance, red and pink aren't the only colors to use for setting that special mood, according to decorators and designers. Pink hearts and red roses are no longer the only indicators that romance is in the air. Trends include incorporating vivid hues, such as tangerine and mango.

"Color sets the mood," Rieger said. "Bright, bold colors, such as shades of orange or yellow, definitely add warmth and coziness."

Like Rieger, designers across the country are using bold tones to set the right mood in a room, said Jason Mulvene, owner of Blue Ocean Traders, a Louisville home decor and furnishings wholesaler whose clients include some of the top interior decorators and designers in the country.

"With the Asian and European influences that are proving so popular in the past few years, the designers who buy from us are definitely incorporating a lot of bold color choices, especially in rooms where they want a romantic atmosphere," Mulvene said.
Simple changes

As winter fades into spring, color becomes an integral part of that transition.

"As the season's change, so do the rooms in our homes with accents and details that come with a holiday, a special event or simply for the need for change," said celebrity designer Stephen Saint-Onge.

"These changes, such as new artwork, new lighting or a simple bunch of flowers can allow the feel of the rooms to seem more inspired -- yet you have not done a major renovation or in most cases spent a ton of money.

"In doing these simple changes yourself, you realize that it does affect your attitude and your mood. You realize that you have the power to shift your perspective and create a new vision for your space ... and in essence that life that you lead in those spaces."
Lights, candles, action!

Saint-Onge, a spokesman for HomeGoods (www.homegoods.com) and a frequent guest on "The View" and "The Oprah Winfrey Show," suggests that homeowners focus on lighting to set a tranquil, sensual setting.

"I think having overhead lights and table lamps on dimmers allows you to have creative control over the feel of the spaces," he said.

"If you're working, you may want lights up, but if you are eating or relaxing with your family or that special someone, you can dim them and things get transformed instantly into something relaxing and peaceful."

Soothing music is another mood-elevator, according to Saint-Onge.

"Dim the lights, light the candles and play some nice music leading into watching a romantic movie," he said. "That sounds like the perfect romantic night to me."
The finishing touches

When transforming a room into an amorous haven, it's crucial to select accessories that add flair and convey a sense of the homeowner's personality.

"The room's lighting, temperature and scent, along with details like the decor and accessories, are essential in creating that sensual mood," said Marisa Belger, executive editor of Tango magazine.

"At Tango, we offer smart talk about love and one of the things we've discovered is that the atmosphere inside our home is very important to the development of happy, fulfilling relationships."

Unique artwork is one way to incorporate a sense of whimsy and playfulness.

"Accessories, such as art, are the ultimate final touch," said designer Kristi Lynn, who recently created a line of sensual statues for Texture Home Decor.

Known as Lovely Ladies, the statues feature dancers in various poses.

"Intrigued by the human figure and its organic curves, the statues were inspired by the sensuality of the tango," Lynn said. "When the tango dancers are added to a room, my hopes are that the homeowner will be reminded of the romantic tension of the tango, and be filled with the giddiness that the tango so magically creates."

Lynn said the dancing statue designs were prompted by fond memories.

"The tango was always my favorite type of dance because whenever I see it done, it's like the world melts away and it's just the two dancers lost in each other," she said. "I heard it expressed perfectly once, 'Dancing is the vertical expression of a lateral desire.' "

Source: Decorate your home with love

50 Ways To Please Your Lover

MON., FEB 12, 2007 - 12:06 PM
50 ways to please your lover
SANDRA KALLIO

Think outside the candy box this Valentine's Day.

Godiva is grand, but there's an aphrodisiac world to experience from chocolate whipped cream to succulent strawberries to green goddess-dressed artichoke leaves. Just the scent of lavender can trigger desire, sending blood flowing in lusty directions. And the brain remains an even more powerful sexual instrument.

If you need a nudge to get your creative (and other) juices flowing, try 50 Ways To Please Your Lover.

Disclaimer: The list could have been gender-neutral, but "him/her" references are cumbersome and "they" seems most widely applicable to porn flicks and Mormon households of old, so you'll find 25 ways to please him and 25 ways to please her.
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Whatever team you're on and whatever position you play in the game of love, get your romantic face on: The big game is Wednesday.

25 ways to please him

1. Life is short; weekends are shorter; rip up the to-do list and take off on a weekend adventure.

2. In the morning, slip notes into his pocket or briefcase hinting at after-work pleasures you're planning.

3. Look for a new thrill you can try together like a hot air balloon ride, parasailing, skydiving, bungee jumping or nude volleyball (much more fun than nude dodgeball).

4. If you can't afford a trip to a sunnier warmer climate, turn up the heat with Bikram yoga, which supposedly gets the blood flowing in the right direction (in contrast to the Polar Plunge with its shrinkage effect).

5. While a cold plunge would be counterproductive, an ice cube held in your mouth as you explore his body has a much different result.

6. Even if you're not into what seems like an endless game on TV, invite him to prop his feet on your lap and massage them, saving conversation for commercial breaks.

7. To cement your position as an object of affection more dear than his car, arrange for interior/exterior detailing of the vehicle.

8. Invite him to meet you for lunch at home on a work day . . . then feed his fantasies (and send him back to work with a bag lunch).

9. Let him sleep in on the weekend, delivering the newspaper and a gourmet breakfast in bed when he's ready.

10. Get a pair of tickets to a game he really wants to attend . . . and tell him to take a buddy so you can spend the time preparing yourself and your bedroom for his return.

11. Wrap up a massage candle with an invitation to unwrap him for a massage with the melted lotion-like wax. Tip: Do not try with just any candle; A Woman's Touch, 600 Williamson St., is one place to find the version that works for this purpose.

12. If he's been feeling tied down (and not in a good way), stop at the ATM on your way to his office and steal him away for an evening at a casino in the Dells or a weekend in Vegas if you can swing it.

13. Pass on the usual chick flick and let your hearts race as one while you watch a movie with more crashes than crushes. Make buttered popcorn, the aroma of which increases the blood flow to the penis by 9 percent, almost double the effect of cheese pizza but not nearly as potent as lavender or pumpkin pie spice (40 percent each), according to research by Dr. Alan R. Hirsch of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation of Chicago.

14. Burn him a CD of your special songs and slip it into his car CD player the night before, or wrap it as a gift in a CD case featuring a personalized cover such as a color photocopy of a picture collage from your favorite times together.

15. Contact a radio station to play a song that's especially meaningful to you both, or submit a Dream CD request for "Jonathan & Kitty in the Morning" on Triple M, Madison radio station WMMM, 105.5 FM, through www.madison.com/mmm/.

16. You know that poster or print he brought into the relationship that means much more to him than it does to you? Get it framed and delivered to his office - or ask one of his co-workers to hang it before he gets to work.

17. Some guys need space, so give him the gift of time alone, undisturbed for whatever block of time you agree on.

18. Ask him to tell you one of his fantasies today. Act it out on Valentine's Day.

19. Set an aromatic romantic bedroom scene with essential oils or scented candles. Frankincense and ylang-ylang pack a one-two punch, with the first stimulating the senses and the second having the aphrodisiac effect. Or try patchouli alone or bergamot with ylang-ylang. (Tips on using essential oils are offered at www.ehow.com/how_7930_essential-oils.html. Warning: Avoid nut oils as the carrier when massaging anyone with these allergies.)

20. Do not talk about your book club. Bring a good book to bed - an erotic novel you'll take turns reading to each other.

21. Not sure this relationship is forever? Perhaps a henna tattoo on a personal body part is the best way for you to declare your affection for now.

22. Steal ideas from two Manhattan hotels offering Valentine's-themed packages. Dream Hotel's room comes stocked with a white garter, white feather plume, condoms, massage oil, naughty dice, champagne truffles, Kama Sutra position books and flavored whipped cream. Night Hotel features black fur handcuffs, a little black riding whip, condoms, massage oil, chocolate truffles, bow tie/black garter and fun vintage erotica. Dom Perignon and strawberries add $150 on top of the $450 base price for each.

23. While Red Bull is an energy drink, Fever is billed as the first libido stimulant beverage. Vanilla-ginger flavored, it includes eight organic herbs chosen to enhance sexual performance. While the science is, at best, sketchy, there may be a placebo effect with drinks like the Moantini: 1 ounce vodka, ounce triple sec, ounce Fever, ounce cranberry juice and a lime wedge.

24. Dressing to undress not special enough? Just out for Valentine's Day is FUNbetty, three heart-shaped stencils and hot pink color for the hair down there, available through www.bettybeauty.com.

25. Nora Ephron once wrote, "In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind." Still, a keen mind and a good sense of humor will outlast a great body. If he shares your quirky sense of humor, consider a Valentine from Uncooked, $3.25 each through www.uncookedland.com.

25 ways to please her

1. Listen when she mentions something that she wants - even in a passing reference - then surprise her with it. Better yet, figure out what she needs before she does. Is her purse strap frayed? Her cologne running low? Would a cashmere scarf chase her chills away?

2. Recall the words of Robert Heinlein: "Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well." Send flowers to her at work not only on Valentine's Day but out of the blue . . . and make her co-workers green with envy.

3. Long-stemmed roses sold out or too pricey? Deliver a more accessible flower with the help of your friends. Enlist them to hand her flowers one by one throughout the day at the coffee shop, class, office, fitness club, etc., leading up to you delivering the last (and best).

4. Clean the bathroom (and pledge to keep it clean), then set a seductive scene with candles and petals on the floor and an invitation for a coupled bath, shower or more.

5. Change her computer wallpaper to a photo of the two of you or an "I-love-you" message.

6. If you usually get the you-can-stop-now tap when you massage her, present a gift certificate for her favorite masseuse instead. One recent find is a DeForest business, Natural Balance, where a 90-minute massage is only $45 (608-213-9667 or contact Mary Grimme-Epps at mgrimmeepps@yahoo.com).

7. If you, too, enjoy professional massages, find a couples package. One in Wisconsin Dells is Kalahari Resort's Couples Spa Getaway with an overnight stay in a whirlpool suite, a couples massage, couples pedicure, in-room movie and breakfast for two ($349 during February). Ask about the chocolate massage, too.

8. If she likes to dress up, make reservations at a special restaurant (for which you'll dress up, too), then leave the cell phone at home. Your other cell, too. No BlackBerry. No pager. No focus but her and your evening together.

9. If she likes to kick back at home, mix her a martini and banish her from the kitchen while you prepare dinner - maybe from "The New InterCourses: An Aphrodisiac Cookbook" (see related story). If you're not sure you can handle it start to finish on a weeknight, pick up appetizers (Trader Joe's is known for its choices) and order dessert (Whole Foods' bakery is one that never disappoints).

10. Leave loving messages at home or in her car with magnetic poetry, sticky-notes, a giant card made out of posterboard or even writing in the fog on the bathroom mirror while she showers (or write with a Q-tip coated with anti-fog spray before she gets in the shower and the message will show up as the mirror fogs).

11. Wash the dishes and tidy up the kitchen after cooking that meal for her.

12. Make a color copy of a photo of yourself or the two of you, glue it to posterboard (spray adhesive works well), write a poem or message on the back, then cut it up a la puzzle pieces and mail them to her. Tip: Don't make the pieces too small or your gesture will be more annoying than endearing.

13. Take care of her chores for a week: If she does the grocery shopping, head out yourself; if she takes care of the laundry, pick up the basket and the fabric softener.

14. Recreate your first date - or the night you proposed - down to the details such as the menu, clothes and music.

15. Buy her chocolates - but not a whole box, just one or two really, really good chocolates, and savor them together. Tip: Among the many wonderful attributes of chocolate is the fact that it melts at body temperature. Let the licking begin.

16. Buy a special chocolate bar (you do know if she prefers dark or milk chocolate, right?), remove the paper wrapper and create your own with a message indicating she may be an "instant winner" in the Valentine's Day Contest, then top the chocolate bar with concert tickets and rewrap.

17. Pack her a lunch to bring to work and include a sweet note.

18. Enough with the e-mails and text-messaging. Pick up a pen and paper and write her a real letter. Then mail it. You'll know when she gets it.

19. In a long-distance relationship? One letter is not enough. Send a packet of sealed envelopes with special messages (and maybe gift cards) for certain occasions. Label them accordingly, such as "Open when you're especially lonely," "Open after a really bad day at work," "Open when you feel like celebrating," etc.

20. Or, if she's a fan of stuffed animals, pick up a little recorder at a Build-A-Bear-Workshop (there's one in West Towne that sells these for $8), record yourself describing how much you miss her/love her and insert it in a teddy bear's paw there (or some other stuffed animal you have in some body part of your choosing) so that she'll hear your voice whenever she squeezes it.

21. Cash and gift certificates don't score romance points, but a handwritten coupon with the offer to take her shopping for a dress for a special night might.

22. If you plan to buy lingerie, be prepared with her sizes or to compare her body parts with fruit.

23. Sometimes the best gift a mom can get is not having to arrange for baby-sitting. Take on that chore.

24. About that baby-sitting arrangement - if you can find a reliable overnight sitter, take the love of your life to a nice hotel. A nonsmoking clean room is essential; the number of stars is not.

25. If she ripped up the to-do list (see No. 1 of 25 ways to please him), piece it back together and hire someone who can do the jobs sooner than you would. Think of a good way to spend all that extra free time with her.

Source: Wisconsin State Journal

Turn Off Your Bloody Cell Phone And Pay Attention To Your Sweetheart.

Experts say balance is key when it comes to romance, technology

Feb. 12, 2007

By LAURA LEIGH BROOKS

Special to The Hays Daily News

You made dinner reservations online from the office, called the florist on your cell phone from the gym and texted your sweetie a sweet nothing on the drive home (while waiting at a stoplight, of course). Technology has set you up for a perfect evening with your Valentine. But now it’s time to turn it off — turn it all off, because while our cell phones, laptops and PDAs are great at bridging the gap while we’re apart, they’re not so great at keeping us connected when we’re together.

“When we’re trying to cultivate intimacy, media sometimes gets in the way,” says Glenn Sparks, professor of communication at Purdue University. “It’s about allocation of attention. We have a high need to feel understood, and it’s hard to feel understood when the other person is splitting their attention between you and the TV or between you and the computer.”

Sparks and colleague Hannah Kirk recently completed a study in which they asked groups of friends to sit in a waiting room; some groups waited with the TV on, some waited with it off. The researchers found that talking and eye contact were reduced dramatically among the friends who waited with the TV on. These subjects also reported less satisfaction with their conversations in the waiting room than did their no-TV counterparts.

“It’s a caution sign for the way media may interfere with our conversations,” Sparks said. “There are many ways technology can shrink the distance between us, but be aware of the times it can be disruptive.”

According to an annual Valentine’s survey conducted by Cingular Wireless, 38 percent of those polled said a date answered his or her cell phone during a great dinner conversation, and 31 percent said they had done the same. Twenty-eight percent of respondents said they have used text messaging to avoid conversation.

“People often use text messages to show their negative feelings rather than talking face-to-face,” said Australian researcher and clinical psychologist Natalie Robinson. “This might be because text messages are less confrontational and more distant.”

Robinson also notes that for many, text messaging is a way of keeping tabs on their partner.

“The receiver of this message may interpret it in a number of ways, such as ‘my partner cares about me and just wants to know what I’m doing’ or alternatively, ‘my partner is suspicious and doesn’t trust me,’ ” she said.

When used judiciously, though, text messages and e-mails might let you in on slices of your partner’s day to which you might otherwise not be privy. As one woman put it, “Texting allows my husband and I to peek in on each other, even though we work across town from each other and don’t reconvene until evening. The immediacy of it seems to encourage him to tell me little things that I know he wouldn’t tell me in person at the end of a long day.”

“My wife and I e-mail each other many times during the day,” said Andy Stanton, assistant professor of communication at Fort Hays State University. “Not all of those are love notes, but it is an easy, unobtrusive way to keep connected with the one you love.”

On the other hand, Stanton advises that there is a time and place for everything.

“When I asked one of my communication classes this question (Can technology thwart intimacy?), we decided that you should definitely turn off the cell phone when on a date and should definitely not text message your friends while your date is in the bathroom!”

Stanton also said technology never will replace interpersonal communication.

“These tools are a nice addition to one-on-one time,” he says, “but they’re no substitute for the face-to-face communication all humans need.”

Sparks agrees.

“It’s a great gift to your significant other when you show you care enough about them to tune in fully to them,” he said. “It’s a way of non-verbally communicating, ‘Right now there is nothing more important to me than you,’ and that’s a great message to send to the person you love.”

Source: The Hays Daily News: "Experts say balance is key when it comes to romance, technology

Long Distance Love: - Love across the sea

Taking advantage of new technologies can help you cope with missing someone

Article: Love across the sea
12th February 2007

With Valentine's Day looming and advertisements for what to get your other half becoming unavoidable, it can also be a tough time for lovers who are apart for whatever reason.

Whatever the situation whether they are away working, visiting relatives or away as part of their course, being separated from a loved one can be hard at the best of times. Needless to say that when calendar events such as Valentine's Day comes around the distance between you both seems amplified, and that's not to mention anniversaries or birthdays.

Doubts, insecurities, and anxiety become an every day struggle but ultimately relationships are either made or, sadly, broken by the pressure distance causes.

Waterfront spoke to a student couple who are currently in this situation to ask how they dealt with their long distance relationship. Jack Smith, who is currently at Albany university as part of his American Studies degree stated that, "During the week when I'm occupied, it's not so bad but you do always think of them even if you don't realise it."

So what choice is left to those that are left behind? Well basically, get on with it! A jam packed schedule, activities and joining multiple societies definitely make the time fly by.

For those of you in this situation who find a lot of time on your hands it might be a good idea to try out things that you may never have thought of doing. Face it: we live in Swansea with beaches galore, a generous dose of societies and so many students that they could populate an island. By filling up any spare time the days will seem to fly through to the date when reunion is imminent, instead of watching the clock and the progress of the minutes of the day drag on.

Jack said "I keep busy reading, working for classes, going to the gym, going to aikido and trying to keep my mind active so I don't think about it," although he does confess that "it doesn't always work though!"

When it comes to long distance relationships, each couple approach it differently depending on their ideals, culture, personality and what type of relationship they have. It goes without saying that some relationships mean more to some than they do for others. Prior to any long term separation, couples are faced with the decision to either make a go of it or to cut their losses rather than stay behind and wait.

Plenty of old adages come to mind but some tend to hold true for those couples who decide to make a go of it. Whether there are doubts at the beginning or not there are definitely some niggling thoughts a few weeks into the separation. You could call this the critical stage of the relationship. Trust does become an issue when considering to make or break the relationship regardless of the esteem which you may have at one time held for it and your other half.

There is a natural unease over your other half meeting new people, will he/she find someone else that they end up liking more than you? Have they cheated? Do they still think of you? Is it a chore for them to check in with you once a week? Those relationships that do stay together after this period are testament to the strength of their relationship and the seriousness with which they hold it.

A comfort can be knowing that if a relationship is meant to last, then this period of separation will merely be a time of strengthening for the relationship as well as ensuring a new level of appreciation and intimacy when they return.

According to studies, the relationships that survive the separation are those who talk openly and honestly, trust each other and are aware of the anticlimax upon being reunited. Many couples have found that one aspect of the separation that helps is thinking on the moment when the two of you will be together again.

However, fantasies and embellishments can hinder the stark reality of any reunion- which is simply a meeting of two people compared to the romantic Hollywood ending which may be imagined. More often than not it seems as if your other half is a stranger. The last thing you want during your first night together is to nearly jump out of bed from the fright of being touched because you have become so used to sleeping alone that you almost feel as if the long term relationship you share is merely a fresh bud at the beginning of spring.

With loneliness a common requisite of any individual during this time of year, whether they are in a relationship or not, we can take comfort in that the person next to us on the bus, in lectures and on different continents feels it also but at least in a long distance relationship you know that someone who may be hundreds of miles away has a connection with you that is precious and rare. The seeming isolation of Valentine's Day does not need to be amplified but can be used merely as a time to ascertain that as human beings in a mutual circumstance we are united.

Emma Rogers

Source: Waterfront Online - Features - Love across the sea

Astrology: Llewellyn Journal - Maria Shaw’s 2007 Love Predictions

Maria Shaw’s 2007 Love Predictions

Aries — Your love life could easily be a roller coaster ride until September, at which time heavy Saturn exits your solar fifth house of love and romance. Problems with partners ease up then and you’ll be much more carefree and optimistic. The first nine months of 2007, however, is a time in which you’ll have to make a decision; if a relationship is truly worth keeping or if it’s time to cut ties for good. Your lucky love months are August and October.

Taurus — Money issues would be a source of irritation between you and partner all year. Don’t allow them to cause friction. It could easily happen as Taurus tends to tighten the purse strings but their partner prefers to splurge on all out shopping sprees! Jupiter is visiting your solar eighth house, which rules, among other things, sex. So all is not lost! If you’re a Taurus that hasn’t already made a commitment, the cosmos are pointing you in that direction this year. Your lucky love months are September and November.

Gemini — 2007 is the best year in over 12 years for your love life! If you’re a soul mate seeking Gemini, this year you could find the man or woman of your dreams. So, don't sell yourself short or settle for anything less than your heart desires. If married, you will fall in love with your mate all over again. If, by chance, you’re in a dead-end relationship, you can cut those ties and move on to greener pastures with little effort. Your lucky love months are October and December.

Cancer — Looking for love? Well, the best place to find it in 2007 may be at the office. Your list of co-workers is growing. There’ll be many new faces appearing in the work place. With Jupiter transiting your solar sixth house, it’s also possible you could meet someone while you’re working out at the gym too. 2007 may also take you down memory lane because your “ex” may decide it’s time for a second chance. Married? 2008 is the best year ever for you and mate. But this year, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to work out differences and meet happily in the middle. Your lucky love months are November and January.

Leo — The new year holds a lot of opportunities for romance! With lucky Jupiter transiting your solar fifth house of love affairs, it’ll be easy to draw new admirers. Consider Cupid your best friend. His arrow is aimed in your direction. Be sure to place yourself in his line of fire! If you are a happily attached Lion, you and your mate can create more magical moments. If you’re not so pleased with your squeeze, be forewarned. 2007 is a time when you could easily find yourself in the middle of a love triangle. Your lucky love months are December and February.

Virgo — An eclipse in your solar 7th house of relationships and partnerships this spring may very well bring a needed change to your love life. If single, you may attract someone very special. If attached, there’s a chance you may take a step closer to a commitment. If married, there’ll be no gray area; you will love ‘em or leave ‘em this year. So hold on tight, springtime will bring about a needed change in love. Your lucky love months are January and March.

Libra — You may find love where you least expect it this year and quite possibly in your own backyard. Check out the guy or girl next door. If you’re an Internet junkie, it’s easy to find a new friend online. If you’re spoken for, the communication between you and your mate improves. It’s also likely that you will plan a very romantic getaway in the summer. Your lucky love months are February and April.

Scorpio — A spring eclipse in your fifth house of romance is like a wild card. Anything can happen. Expect the unexpected and get ready to meet someone new and exciting. Late June through August offers you another chance for romance or more stability in a current relationship. However, if there are unresolved issues, you and your mate are still arguing about in early June, war could break out by month’s end. Agree to disagree or spilt before the fireworks explode in July. By autumn, a casual friendship could turn into something romantic and meaningful. Your motto should be “Never say never!” Your lucky love months are March and May.

Sagittarius — This could be your luckiest year ever. Jupiter conjuncts your Sun sign, bringing blessings of all kinds; including true love. Periods around May and August are very favorable to meet someone new. In fact, August through October is perfect to attract a new partner who is marriage potential. If you’d prefer to stay footloose and fancy free, as many Sagittarians do, then you’ll have more than your fair share of attractions and admirers at that time of the year too. Your lucky love months are April and June.

Capricorn — Your love vibe is strong the last six months of 2007. Late June through early August is considered “phase one” for love luck. Then it kicks in again in October through the spring of 2008. So there’ll be plenty of opportunities for romance if your cautious nature allows you to take them. If you’re already playing house, then relationships offer you more stability than ever. If you’re in the process of leaving someone, there will be delays in February and March but you’ll be able to move forward and into new relationships by the summer months. Your lucky love months are May and July.

Aquarius — Play it cool until September 9th when Saturn stops opposing your Sun sign and at which time your relationships take a turn for the better. Many of you have already let go of soured love affairs that have seen their better days. If you haven’t, you could bid adios to a former flame at some point during the first nine months of the year. For single water bearers, love will be no stranger, but there is danger of getting your heart broken. So play a waiting game before you get too serious. For those of you who want to “hang in there,” hoping things with your honey will improve … by all means do so because they could after September 9th. Your lucky love months are June and August.

Pisces — A March eclipse in your solar 7th house of relationships and partnerships could bring in a new love affair. But at the same time, it could create an ending in one too. 2007 is not a time to hang onto a worn-out relationship. If you do, you’ll miss out on some exciting new relationships that have much to offer. If you are working on issues in a current one, make sure you have resolved whatever it is you need to by September. At that point in the year, things will be much more difficult for Pisces to work though when it comes to disagreements. But a serious life-altering relationship could also present itself around the same time. Your lucky love months are July and September.

Maria Shaw is the National Enquirer astrologer, writing the weekly horoscopes for the magazine. She is also the author of eight books published in six languages and has appeared on E!, Fox News, The Tony Danza Show, The TV Guide Channel, Oxygen, MTV and VH1. This month Maria will be hosting her psychic fun fairs in Chicago, Ill; Lapeer and Saginaw, Michigan. For a list of appearances or to book your own private consultation with Maria, visit www.mariashaw.com

Source: Llewellyn Journal - Maria Shaw\'s 2007 Love Predictions: "Maria Shaw’s 2007 Love Predictions

Five conversations you need to have

Five conversations you need to have
From sex to ambitions to friends - "we need to talk"

Pillbox | Su Chu

Initiating important conversations can be incredibly awkward, but they are universal to healthy relationships. From the trivial to the news-making (and sometimes relationship-breaking), here are some conversations you should consider having with your partner.

Labeling
Definitions are bound to come up as a subject for conversation when entering a serious relationship. It can be difficult to gauge when to drop questions concerning how exclusive you want the relationship to be or when you want to go public. Talking about these issues can help resolve any burning questions you have about the state of your relationship. Otherwise, you might end up having to resort to the Internet. “I love how it’s official when you put it on Facebook,” said Carla Miller, a first-year in MCS.

Space and privacy
How much is too much? Talk about spending time apart from each other, and maybe spend those extra hours working on other relationships, such as those you share with your friends. “You need to make sure you maintain your own identity and friends,” said Galit Frydman, a junior biology major. “Maintain your own relationships!” Don’t spend time with your partner to the exclusion of all else; friends provide safety nets if your relationship sours.

What about your partners’ friends? If there are many reservations when it comes time to meet them, you might want to analyze the situation; a hesitation could indicate unresolved issues. You don’t need to be best friends with your partner’s friends, but feeling accepted can prevent future stress in the relationship. “I think if they really want you to be part of their life, they would want you and welcome you into that part,” Frydman said. “It’s also a really good way to get to know them if you get to know their friends.”

Other issues to address might include prior relationships. “Talking about past relationships — I think that’s pretty important,” said Michelle Mirabella, a first-year in H&SS. Relating your previous experiences can communicate the issues you feel strongly about and help your partner be aware of the things you might be sensitive to. It helps to reduce the possibility of miscommunication.

I want to know you
Finding out what you’re comfortable with around your partner is important, and what you’re insecure about equally so. Address readiness to communicate, religious views, and relationship goals. “Personal aspirations — what a person’s all about, who are they, and where are they going,” said Jeremy Astor, a senior business major. “I think that’s the whole dating process: your evaluation of who a person is.” Also, find the line between sharing too little and sharing too much. Information overflow can be a turn-off.

“I’m not a secrets person, but it’s nice sometimes to spare your partner of certain things,” said Miller. “For example, I don’t think it’s necessary to say, ‘My ex was better endowed than you.’ ”

Talking about talking about talking…
Communication is a central aspect of all relationships, but sometimes it’s a good idea to have a talk about talking. Making sure that your significant other is comfortable telling you things and that you are also comfortable talking to him or her about what’s important so you can strengthen your relationship. “Talking about communication — I think that’s the most important thing,” said Mirabella. “I feel like communication covers it all, because if you can’t communicate, you’re not really in a relationship.”

Sex spectrums
Have an idea of where your partner is sexually. Mismatched experience levels are often the cause of discomfort and insecurity — not to mention awkward moments. Discussing them can be a relief for the experienced and inexperienced alike. “Talk about where they are sexually and where you are — what does that mean for your relationship?” said Jessica Winn, a junior political science major. “You need to be able to have an honest conversation where you’re not worried about whether what you say is touchy.”

The number of people that your partner has been with, for example, can have an impact on your impression of him or her. For first-year business major Brett Cannaday, this number is a large player in whether he is willing to date a girl. “I figure out if she’s datable or not by finding out how many guys she’s been with,” he said.

Some consider numbers to be irrelevant, however. Frydman countered, “I don’t think it really matters how many people [your] partner has been with as long as when he’s with you, he’s with you. And as long as he was safe about it and tested.”

A more sensitive — but equally important — conversation is about the consequence of contraceptives gone wrong. “One thing I always worry about is if I got pregnant — where would he stand in this situation?” Miller said. “You shouldn’t be sexually active with someone if you’re not in agreement on that situation.”

Social conventions often make certain subjects taboo, and engaging conversations about them can be painfully awkward. Still, there’s no better way to get to know someone or to address issues that could otherwise breed discomfort. While most of these examples have been heavier, more serious issues, there are the fun ones too. “I want to talk to [girls] and find out why The Notebook is the best movie ever!” joked Astor. The only way to do it is by talking.


Source: The Tartan Online : Five conversations you need to have

Love on the cards - Marketing Valentine's Day to India

FOCUS
Love on the cards
If demand defines supply, is the frenetic marketing of Valentine’s Day an indication that expression of love has become a public affair? It’s no longer just the couple’s business, writes Sulekha Nair

Posted online: Sunday, February 11, 2007 at 0000 hours IST

It’s Code Red time. Of course not as dangerous, mind you. Saying ‘I love you’ to your beloved is no longer a hush-hush affair in India today. Ask Delhi’s Pooja Yadav, still in her college, and she is not ashamed of hiding her ‘feelings’ for her boyfriend of three years: “I am not ashamed of displaying my emotions. I have a boyfriend and we often go out together. There is nothing wrong in going for movies, dinner or discs together. Both our parents know about us, and our friends support us too.”

Love then is no longer hidden in the closet, as it was some years ago in our country. Says sociologist Akhila Sivadas, head, Centre for Advocacy and Research (CFAR), a non-profit media and communication research group in New Delhi: “Today’s younger generation is smart and mature. They adjust to predominant situations and environments. Keeping that in mind, getting to know each other is much modern and evident. Even the relationships towards siblings and parents have changed. They have strong referencing. Today, they know what is happening in their neighborhood and worldwide.”

Communication kicks opens doors and consequently with increased awareness, attitudes change. And when the media blitzkrieg swamps every mode of communication, there is then a perceptible change in not just lives but also gender roles. “Cinema and television have played a major role in liberating mindsets,” informs Delhi-based writer, Alka Pande. She goes on: “Women are becoming more confident. They are reinforcing their identity. Even those not well-off economically are more informed than ever before.”

In such a scenario, almost everything is for public consumption and some of this translates into moolah. Falling in love, for instance, is no longer just the concerned couple’s business. There is a huge market that thrives on the love quotient. And they are pulling out not just predictable signages like bright colours, chocolates, soft toys but also whipping up an interest about the unreachables to the aspirational consumer. Think big labels and brands.

Buying Spree India’s booming economy is now leveraging the ‘love’ emotion beautifully much to the excitement and non-stop ringing of the cash registers. The ‘love’ market, if it can be called this, was “around 1,000 crore in the last 4-5 years,” says Gibson G Vedamani, CEO, Retailers Association of India. He adds: “The market is now poised to touch Rs 1,200 crores this year.” Gibson feels this market has been “helped” hugely with information and awareness of Valentine’s Day created primarily by the media, followed by the “niceness” about a day that allows for “concern between a couple” to be celebrated.

When love is evoked, it can celebrate its existence through various forms. Like greeting cards, for instance. This, by far, remains the simplest expression of love. The card industry is the largest revenue earner on February 14. Archies, for example, has released as many as 311 cards, priced at Rs 30 upwards, to capture the sentiments of love and affection . This year, for the first time, there are special Valentine cards with original teddy bears and steel hearts that can be later used as mobile accessories and keepsakes. Then there is a Rs 895 card: this multi-fold card with pop outs is 2.5 feet tall, 18 inches wide and is complete with the choicest mush words. Says Youhan Darab Aria, Archies’ Corporate Communications head: “These big cards are sold out on Valentine’s Day."

From cards to jewellery, windchimes to scented candles—the dreamy visions of people in love are replicated in various forms and fragrances. Says Aria: “This year we have an exclusive tie-up for chocolates available only in our stores and have an aisle with items with the colour pink.” Red. according to the company, has been replaced with the soft pink overseas. On Valentine’s Day alone, the sale of cards accounts for around seven per cent, says Aria.

Market Frenzy While the couple sings ditties to each other, the industry sings hosannas to its burgeoning kitty. Thus you have gold, diamonds, watches and perfumes going off the counter. Says Dharmesh Sodha, director, World Gold Council: “There has been a 20 per cent increase in sales of gold during Valentine’s Day over the years.” Yet, it is nowhere near the frenzy that is generated during festive days such as Diwali, Karva Chauth and even Akshaya Tritiyam. “Still, the market is helped in terms of price points and ticket value when contemporary jewelery items are bought in the range of Rs 1,000 to Rs 3,000 for Valentine's,” he adds.

For some departmental stores, end of season sales coupled with Valentine’s Day drives youthful footfalls. Like Globus, which has 17 outlets in 12 cities, is already witnessing a rush. Says Vinay Nadkarni, CEO, Globus: “Our store is targeted at the youth. So merchandise on display are to their choice. However, it is T-shirts and jewellery which go off the racks for Valentine’s Day.” He is not complaining though. For the sales figures rise by 10-15 per cent around three days prior to the Day, he says. Be it coffee shops or eateries, everyone has a special promotion that rakes in the moolah on this day. Riyaaz Amlani , MD & CEO of Impresario Entertainment & Hospitality Pvt. Ltd. (parent company, Moc-ha-Coffees & Conversations) says that on an average day the coffee chain gets about “600 footfalls which goes upto 800 on Valentine’s Day, a 20% spurt.”

New Age Options The new age option of buying products online is catching up in a huge way. Websites are the ‘future busy’ platforms for Valentine’s day, says Vedamani. Agrees Navin Mittal, business head, Fropper.com: “In the four years of the website, we have seen tremendous changes. We are noticing a 100% year-on-year growth, with the February alone giving us a 25% in business. Today we have 2 million members on the site. With associations like the IMAI suggesting good season for the websites, we are expecting more.” Mittal feels there is a logic in it. “It shows the maturity of Indians who know how to see things and handle them maturely. With people earning more, the acceptance towards relationships is much more.”

For those who want to be ‘choosy’ and for whom money is not an issue, there are options galore in the market. Sample this. The Taj Mahal Palace and Towers, Mumbai plays cupid at Chef’s Studio with the ‘best table in Asia for the evening, ring a bell and whatever you ask for shall be served.” The price? Rs 60,000 all inclusive per couple with a complimentary gift hamper for the lady. Or the Swiss Baume & Mercier watch with polished 18k yellow gold case set with 14 diamonds, mother-of-pearl dial, including an ex-centred diamond. It is a made to order watch. Or ‘Lovelock’ from Carbon jewellery, a Valentine Day creation featuring 18k pendants, rings, earings priced from Rs. 6950 to Rs 19,950.

Party Poopers If there is poetry, can drama be far behind? Well, not everybody is happy with the love-and-roses affair. The Shiv Sena in Mumbai has time and again openly expressed its disapproval of a ‘foreign’ culture being aped in the country. Says Bal Kalsekar, former Shiv Sena party head: “We don’t understand why the Indian youth are being encouraged to follow a foreign custom. The man after which this day is named, Valentine, met with his death by hanging. What are you trying to tell the youth—die for love? Is that a nice thing to say? Aren’t there richer Indian celebrations of love like Sankranth which talks of only love and affection between people. Adopt Indian celebrations that everyone can identify with, and flaunt it.” So what is on the agenda this Valentine’s Day? Pat comes the reply: “Well, nothing so far. We’d rather ignore this foreign custom and celebrations.” For love’s sake, perhaps.

—With inputs from Suman Tarafdar and Jyoti Verma

Source: Love on the cards The Financial Express (Mumbai)

BBC - Relationships - Couples - 70 romantic ways to have fun

70 romantic ways to have fun

In our busy lives, time can often seem in short supply so it's important that couples make the most of their time together. If you're stuck for ideas, Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall has some suggestions.

On rainy days
1. Clear out the garage, attic, cupboards or wardrobes* - it really doesn't matter as long as you do it together.
2. Go charity shopping. While away the hours browsing for books, CDs, games, retro clothing, bric-a-brac. You could try a carboot sale or trawl round some antique shops.
3. Get some exercise. Go swimming or ice skating, or enjoy a walk in the rain.
4. Enjoy a movie marathon.* Visit the video shop, stack up on snacks and spend the day being film critics. And if you're stuck for inspiration, take a look at bbc.co.uk/films to find out which new releases should be top of your list!
5. Visit an art gallery. Find an exhibition in your area.
6. Step back in time and visit a museum. Many of the buildings themselves deserve a look and you never know you might learn something at the same time!
7. Improve your memory. Try our online memory test then spend the day testing each other's powers of recall.
8. Discover yourself. Bookshops and the internet offer a wealth of personal-profiling tools, which can help you find out your personality type, your IQ or your relationship style.
9. Make something,* such as a coffee table, some shelves, a bird table, pottery dishes, vases, face sculpture, candles or soap. Craft shops are full of ideas.
10. Go to the football or rugby.* Even if you're not into the sport, you'll find the atmosphere electric. Especially if your team is playing their arch rivals! Take a look at the fixture list before you go.
11. Have an evening of pick'n'mix. Take a look at the TV listings and create a night of entertainment.

On sunny days
12. Go for a stroll* - anywhere you like.
13. Take a hike. Find a nice big hill and see who can fall into an exhausted heap at the top first.
14. Go for a bike ride.* Like walking, cycling can be energetic or gentle - it's up to you. But either way it's sure to give your health a boost!
15. Hire a boat. Choose from an energetic canoe ride, a romantic row down the river or the wind in your hair in a sailing boat.
16. Visit the park.* Spend the day on the swings or play a game of tennis. If you're really adventurous, you could even try out your skateboarding skills on the half-pipe.
17. Take to horseback. Look in your local directory for places that offer riding lessons (you may need to book in advance). Or better still, along a beautiful beach!
18. Be risky. Try some exptreme sports - skydiving, rock climbing, potholing, ballooning, motor racing... the list is endless. (You'll definitely need to book ahead, though.)
19. Visit a stately home.* You might even get some inspiration for your own love nest!
20. Obey your animal instincts by visiting a zoo or farm.* Relax as you wander round the park. And if you don't like spiders you can always go and talk to the monkeys!
21. Remember the picnic.* To make all the above even more enjoyable, don't forget to pack some gorgeous food and wine. Let BBC Food help you choose the perfect tipple!
At the weekend
22. Walk this way - the Pennine Way, the Cotswold Way, the South Downs Way, the Milky Way...
23. Go youth hostelling.* There are more than 100 youth hostels around the UK catering for individuals, couples and families - and they're cheap. And believe it or not there is one five-star hostel in the UK. Can you guess where?
24. Take a city break. Look at UK options as well as those in Europe and the US.
25. Book a themed weekend break. There are plenty of options, from murder mystery tours to salsa dancing to yoga.
26. Go camping,* either in your own back garden or at one of the hundreds of specialised sites around the country. Staying put will give your children the chance to learn more about their surroundings...
27. Visit friends or relatives.* Take the chance to spend time with people in another part of the country. If they can't put you up for the night, book into a B&B.
28. Indulge and pamper yourself at a health farm.
29. Pick any room in your house and give it a complete makeover.
30. Spring clean the house or give your garden a serious sort out. Make sure you take regular breaks and treat yourself to a delicious takeaway or meal out in the evening.
When the children are in bed
31. Play games, whether they're board games, computer games, card games or naughty games...
32. Work your mind with brain-teasers, jigsaw puzzles, crosswords or quiz books. See how your IQ rates against the rest of the nation!
33. Pamper each other. Give your partner a massage, manicure and pedicure. We all need a little pampering sometimes!
34. Rent a film to suit your mood, be it a comedy, weepy, romance or horror movie.
35. Star gaze. Lie in the garden and see if you can name the constellations.
36. Have a blind food tasting.
37. Enjoy a romantic dinner for two: light those candles, put on some soft music and get out the posh crockery. As if you needed an excuse to indulge!
38. Have a picnic in the garden.
39. Put on a themed evening. Try a little Eastern promise or a sushi night.
40. Drag out the duvet, make two cups of hot chocolate and snuggle up on the sofa or in front of the fire.
41. Read the same book and compare notes. If you're stuck for inspiration, why not see what everyone else is reading?
42. Dig out the photos and enjoy a night of nostalgia. Or if you want to get more involved, why not take some of your own portraits? You could be the next icon!
43. Try a new recipe together. Have a go at Thai, Indian, Greek - whatever tickles your taste buds.
44. Learn a language. With a BBC language course you can be confident in no time!
45. Go internet shopping.Why not treat each other to a surprise? Buy online and then wait for it to arrive!
46. Compose something: a poem, a story or - if you're feeling musical - a song.
For an evening out
47. Go to the theatre. It could be the Palladium or, if the budget's tight, your local am-dram group. Find out what's near you or pack your overnight bag and make a weekend of it!
48. Get some exercise. Go swimming or to the gym, or play a game of badminton or squash.
49. Have an evening of ten-pin bowling.* Or join your local bowling club. Many are opening their doors to a wider range of participants!
50. Attend a concert. Try something different, such as jazz, classical or rock.
51. Go to a sporting event* - but agree before you go how much you're willing to lose in bets.
52. Enjoy a few drinks at your local pub, and keep a look out for quiz nights and local bands. They say music is the food of love!
53. Join an evening class. There's a huge range available, from poetry and dancing, to local history, cooking and wine tasting.
54. Have a leisurely dinner. Whether it's cheap and cheerful or top-class nosh, enjoy the chance for uninterrupted conversation.
55. Go to the cinema. Slip into the back row and enjoy the latest blockbuster. Find out what's on in your area.

When you've only got an hour to spare
56. Have a fight* - with balloons or pillows rather than words. Or if you're worried to be more loving, why not indulge in some sensual touching...
57. Have a bath with oodles of bubbles.
58. Eat in bed, whether it's breakfast time or not. Make it all the more special by preparing an aphrodisiac meal!
59. Use your limited time to plan what you'll do when you have a whole evening to yourselves.
60. Start researching your family tree, then add to it every time you have an hour to spare.
61. Bake a cake* or anything you'll enjoy eating together.
62. Do a fitness video together, whether it's aerobics, Pilates or yoga.
63. Do an online quiz.

Romantic gestures
64. Say "I love you"
65. Give each other a hug
66. Leave a love note, in a briefcase or on the TV screen. Or request a love song on the radio.
67. Blow a kiss - or just start flirting outrageously!
68. Give flowers.
69. Keep in touch. When you're apart, send a text or email, or pick up the phone.
70. Write "I love you" in lipstick on the mirror or in glow-in-the-dark chalk on the front wall.

* Child-compatible activities (depending on the age of the child)

Source: BBC - Relationships - Couples - 70 romantic ways to have fun:

Seniors remember romance on Valentine's Day

Seniors remember romance on Valentine's Day
By Lindsay Sauvageau

Sadie Perla was in the middle of a card game at the Leominster Senior Center this week, but her memories were going back decades.

"Rocco and I have been together 61 years," she tells the other players of her marriage. "We've had 61 years of great memories."

Sadie said that she and her husband Rocco have celebrated many romantic Valentine's Days together and many amazing anniversaries.

"We've gone on fabulous trips to Europe, Hawaii, you name it," she said. "We've been everywhere. We've had a great life together and we're still being romantic today."

Pulling up a chair, Gloria Bodanza says that she too spent many romantic moments with her husband Rosario before he passed away. She even remembers the day they met.

"We all used to go dancing at the Whalom Ballroom in those days and one night this guy walked up to me and said 'would you like to dance' and I said 'why yes I would,'" Bodanza said. "On the dance floor he said 'what's your name,' and I said, 'Sadie' and he said, 'hey, we could sing a Mass together.'"

Gloria said the next thing she knew that nice man was coming to Leominster to see her.

"He had no wheels," she said with a laugh. "He'd take the bus all the way here and then he'd walk from the bus to Walker Street where I lived."

Her marriage lasted 39 years.

"Thirty-nine wonderful years," she said. "Not long enough."

"I think we've all got pretty romantic husbands, don't you think," said Therese Lomme.

Lomme and her husband Victor will be celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary in June of this year.

"Vic is still romantic," she said. "But he laughs because he buys me a box of chocolates and he eats them"

In the Senior Center office, clerk Laurane Brooks remembers one particularly colorful Valentine's Day.

"I got 14 different bouquets of roses," she said. "They were in all different colors, every color you could think of."

"They were arriving all day long," said Senior Center Director Joan Fitzgerald. "They were everywhere."

And even Fitzgerald shared her most romantic story.

"Do I have a romantic story," she said, smiling. "I was living in Philadelphia. I had just graduated from college when I saw the most handsome, most beautiful person I had ever seen."

Fitzgerald said in the mid-1960's she had been sitting in her kitchen relaxing and talking on the telephone with her best friend when her mother called her into the living room. It was there she was introduced by her mother and an acquaintance to Herbert Douglas Fitzgerald from Boston.

"I was in love, love at first sight. My heart flipped. He had dimples and a Bostonian accent," she said. "He was in training to be a salesman for the Sonoco company and in those days you had to learn everything about the company, everything. He was in Philly for a six-month orientation. But there he was and there I was in hair rollers like orange juice cans and probably Noxzema all over my face."

But she was in love and the first of many dates was made. On the first date they went ice skating.

"Afterward, I walked back into the kitchen and picked up the phone, because I didn't think I was going to be long and I told my friend, 'I just met the man I'm going to marry,'" Fitzgerald said. "And I slid down the wall. I had fainted. I think I had held my breath in the living room."

The couple met in January of 1965, and were married in October of that same year.

"We have three boys and seven grandchildren. We've lived happily ever after, I think," she said.

Source: Seniors remember romance on Valentine's Day

14 Creative Ways to Use Rose Petals - PR.com

14 Creative Ways to Use Rose Petals

Have the ubiquitous (and pricey) dozen roses become a tired cliche in your relationship? Try out any of these creative and romantic ways of using rose petals from Michael Webb.

You can purchase bags of rose petals from most florists and most craft stores sell silk petals.

* On top of ceiling fans
* Used as packing material for a gift
* Put in pockets, purses, briefcases as a clue of something special coming up
* Bring some to restaurant and put on table
* Sprinkled in a packed lunch
* Sew or hot glue onto lingerie
* Write out a message with petals
* Inside an envelope with a card or letter
* Floating in a bowl of water - with or without floating candles
* Placed in a book your sweetheart is reading
* Put inside balloons - if you put inside clear balloons, slightly wet the inside of the balloon and the petals will stick to the sides for a dramatic effect -- or keep dry if you want someone to pop the balloon
* Surrounding your mate with petal while he or she is sleeping
* In a crock pot with a little water for a beautiful smell
* Tossed into a roaring fire - enjoy the scent

You can find an additional 25 uses for rose petals at www.TheRomantic.com - just search on *rose petals* on the home page.

Source: 14 Creative Ways to Use Rose Petals

Natural Living: Valentine's jewelry might not be so romantic after all

Before you buy your honey that gorgeous piece of jewelry for Valentine's Day, you might want to consider some of the environmental and social issues surrounding the jewelry industry, especially diamonds and gold.

Nodirtygold.org says that the production of one gold ring generates 20 tons of waste, and according to brilliantearth.com:

two-thirds of newly mined gold comes from open-pit mining rather than the more expensive alternative of underground shaft mines. To open these mines, companies must remove vast amounts of rock and materials and blast the entire site. This leads to the destruction of the environment at the mine site, damaging the surrounding ecosystem, and the opening up of vast craters.

Gold production can also taint the surrounding ecosystem with cyanide, which is used to extract the gold from the ore containing it. In regards to this practice, briliantearth.com notes that:

to dispose of the leftover ore contaminated with Cyanide and other toxins ("tailings"), a mine will create a dam which gets built up over the life of the mine. The gradual building of the dam generally causes the structure to be unsound. In the last 25 years, these dam failures have accounted for three-quarters of all major mining accidents. In 2000, a gold mine resulting from a tailings dam failure in Romania spilled more than 100,000 gallons of cyanide-laced mine waste into the Tisza river, killing 1,240 tons of fish and contaminating the drinking water supplies of 2.5 million people.

To get an almost too-vivid idea of what pit mining can do to the ecology of a country, I highly recommend reading Jack Hitt's "Island of the Damned" about the tiny island Nauru, which was printed in the July 2006 issue of The Sun magazine. Unfortunately, only an excerpt is available online, and that excerpt doesn't get to the tear-jerking, you-can't-believe-this-actually-happened descriptions of the island's almost total destruction, but perhaps the excerpt will be enough to convince you to purchase a back issue. In 2005, The New York Times did a very informative series on the gold trade that I would also recommend checking out.

In addition to the environmental destruction involved with gold mining, the diamond industry is responsible for causing a great deal of social strife. According to globalwitness.org, the diamond trade is responsible for the death and displacement of millions of people. The diamond trade has funded civil wars in many parts of Africa. These diamonds are exchanged in the international markets for weapons. I have not yet seen it, but the movie Blood Diamond highlights this issue by covering a civil war in Sierra Leone that took place throughout the nineties involving warlords trying to trade diamonds for money and other goods. Another social issue is the fact that many workers involved in the diamond trade, especially in the actual mining of the diamonds, are not even paid a dollar a day for the labor they do, despite the fact that mining is a notoriously dangerous profession.


Once you think about it, that beautiful piece of jewelry starts to become a symbol of death and destruction rather than undying love.

However, you don't have to resort to organic flowers or chocolate instead of something sparkly for your sweetie (although those are fine too!). Brilliantearth.com sells jewelry that does not compromise your ethics. They sell eco-friendly gold and conflict free diamonds. Right before Valentine's Day last year eight major retailers pledged to not support "dirty gold." The retailers are the Zale Corp., the Signet Group (the parent firm of Sterling and Kay Jewelers), Tiffany & Co., Helzberg Diamonds, Fortunoff, Cartier, Piaget, and Van Cleef & Arpels. Try to buy your gifts from one of these retailers.

Other more ethical jewelry retailers to check out:

1. Ten Thousand Villages offers fair trade jewelry from around the world.

2. Leber Jewelers carries conflict free diamonds.

3. Global Exchange has beautiful jewelry in many styles- not just gold and diamonds.

4. Fair Trade Federation member Mercado Global has gorgeous beaded jewelry from Guatemala.

Source: Natural Living at PennLive.com: Valentine's jewelry might not be so romantic after all